Dad’s back in the hospital, I’m a week behind on my writing deadline, and I have no interest in doing anything but cleaning my kitchen, getting my laundry done, and … Well, that’s just about it.
Up to this point, I’ve been able to keep my head above water in the writing world. But I can’t this time. There’s too much – stuff – and it’s been coming for too long, now.
Wow. Haven’t felt this like in years.
This is the personal part of my life stomping all over my work. I can’t seem to stop it this time. I don’t know why. I have been able to do it before — work around the personal. The writing slows down, no doubt about that. But it doesn’t stumble and fall, like it has been pole axed. That’s what I’m dealing with, this time.
I need to rethink how I handle all this stuff. A lot of it is the emotional part of dealing with one parent who is extremely ill, and another parent who is slowly losing her partner of over 50 years. Plus the other family stuff, of course. There’s always family stuff. Plus the hospital stuff. It feels like there is ALWAYS hospital stuff, now. I feel exhausted, and opening the Word doc and writing is not fixing the exhaustion the way it usually does.
I guess I’ll go get my laundry done, and figure out a way to force myself to write some words — any words — today. Maybe I can kick start myself.
I hope so, anyhow. The vision of my writing self stumbling and dropping like a deer that has been brought down by a hunter’s bullet is pretty harrowing.